2009 year in review
Seems it’s that time again, eh? This year feels the same as last, and yet a little different.
- What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
- Lots. But none of it feels like the answer I’m looking for.
- Did you keep your new years resolutions and will you make more for next year?
- No. In fact, it seems I’m in roughly the same place I was last year, in spite of the fact that it was my hope there’d be some sort of a sea-change with regard to my life. As it stands, lots did change, and yet I don’t feel different. If anything, I feel more stressed because I’m jittery that nothing’s changed, and I feel like I’m truly running out of time to make any sort of real change.
- Did anyone close to you give birth?
- No new children this year.
- Did anyone close to you die?
- Yeah. Suzanne’s dad. There were a couple others, too, but none so ‘close’.
- What countries did you visit?
- Heh. Right. We DO know at this point that I’m completely hodophobic, don’t we?
- What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
- Gentlemen, start your photocopiers: The same things I lacked in 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, AND 2004: Intangible things like serenity, happiness, security, optimism, joy. All the things that money can’t buy, and so I can’t go out and get from the store. One would think, given that it’s been a priority with a decent time line, that I’d have figured some of that out by now. As it stands, it just depresses me that I haven’t.
- What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- March 11. I managed to rise from the ashes of unemployment yet again.
- What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Finding the job I currently have, and actually being good at it. For the first time since my first job, I actually feel competent in some way.
- What was your biggest failure?
- Once again being unable to make any sort of movement from what I’ve become.
- Did you suffer illness or injury?
- No. I managed to avoid pretty well everything this year, knock wood.
- What was the best thing you bought?
- I dunno. I guess I’d say it was the Canon 7D. Fine camera, but I am not getting the use or joy out of it that I’d hoped–probably not the camera’s fault.
- Where did most of your money go?
- Photocopiers, gentlemen: Rent. Bills. Eating out.
- What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- I don’t think I can get excited anymore. It feels like that whole area of my psyche as been amputated somehow.
- What song will always remind you of 2009
- Weirdly, I didn’t find too much this year. I remember discovering “Not As We” by Alanis Morissette and listening to it a lot. I don’t know if there was anything else new per se. The only album that came along I listened to more than a handful of times that is still in rotation is Damien Rice’s 9 Crimes. Just two weeks ago, I discovered Fever Ray’s album and it took me back to the days of ambient dark techno ritual stuff. I like it.
- Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? Sadder. That is no small feat.
b. thinner or fatter? Probably about the same.
c. richer or poorer? Far richer. - What do you wish you’d done more of?
- Photocopiers, gentlemen: Being silent. Being away from all the computers and enjoying living more.
- What do you wish you’d done less of?
- Photocopiers: Generally wasting the only life I have feeling exactly the way this entry indicates.
- How did you spend Christmas?
- I went to my brother’s for dinner. It was nice and low-key. None of the traditional elements were at play though. I wonder if they ever will be again.
- Did you fall in love in 2008?
- Nope.
- How many one-night stands?
- This question gets stupider every year.
- What was your favorite TV program?
- I enjoyed The Tudors this year. Otherwise, nothing’s really entered the radar as a ‘must watch’ for me.
- Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
- Nope.
- What was the best book you read?
- Hm. I don’t really know. I did read a few this year, but they were mostly for my own interest and none were whiz-bang awesome books that changed my life. I’m wondering if this year I can maybe foist off the best thing I read to blogs like Dumb Little Man, And Wildmind.
- What was your greatest musical discovery of 2009?
- I guess it’d be Damien Rice. Nothing else really hit me at all.
- What did you want and get?
- A decent job.
- New camera.
- New TV.
- What did you want and not get?
- Positive change.
- Stability.
- What was your favorite film of this year?
- I suppose Star Trek was the best one.
- What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- Not telling my age. I worked, which is something I haven’t done on my birthday in years. Beyond that, I don’t recall. Sigh.
- What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- Progress of some sort.
- How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
- Unchanged, really. In fact, it’s sort of disturbing to realize when I look at photos from 2002 that I still wear some of that stuff.
- What kept you sane?
- Just…trying. Just soldiering on. Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” While I wouldn’t really characterize my situation as “hell” (in fact, it’s a damned good hell… more like a gilded cage). But I seem to want change, and I can’t seem to get it. My habits have an utter strangle hold on me. But keeping going kept me from succumbing.
- Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- None. I couldn’t care less about all that rot.
- What political issue stirred you the most?
- Canada’s stance on the environment. In fact, the whole of Conservative idiocy that’s festering right now. I truly hope that this year sees the end of Harper, that self-centered nitwit.
- Who did you miss?
- Me. The best me I know is here, but I can’t find him, and I miss him. Beyond that, I’m with Selene in missing RGD. That show was a welcome and necessary fixed point in my week. I feel even more adrift without it.
- Who was the best new person you met?
- I guess by default this falls to the people I work with now. They’re all a great bunch. I’ve been truly blessed with regard to workmates through the course of my working life so far. All the people I’ve worked with are just great. This new batch are exceptional.
- Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
- The story of the frog and scorpion is deceptively astute. Many, if not all of us, are held to the rails of our lives not by what we desire, but what we are conditioned to. God knows, I am. People will choose what’s safe over what’s right, and very often, hedonism trumps logic. Stasis trumps development. I hope that I can find some way to dislodge in 2010.
In spite of the fact that I had high hopes for 2009 to be better and it turned out, with the exception of finding a good job, to be no different than 2008, that I am similarly optemistic about 2010. I feel like I can make a difference for the better, and that the year will be okay. Somehow, someway, I’ll be able to write it’s better next year. So very many things were lost this year: people died, homes were lost, well established cornerstones of my life were taken down. Not very much has gone up in their place. Sometimes, I feel like this year will contain some new foundation. It’s due.
Earlier this month, someone said on a message board that the secret to marriage is simple: “Get over yourself”. I think that’s not just the secret to marriage… that’s the secret to much more, including engaging with life. I think I need to better understand that phrase, and then try to live it.
Happy New Year, everyone. I wish you all the very best.